Post by piperforme on Dec 27, 2006 18:17:33 GMT -5
Age Difference Shouldn't Matter!
Q. Why is it so wrong to date someone when there's an age difference (say, seven years) if both of you are on the same intellectual and maturity level, and both devoted Christians? What about our parents and grandparents who had large age differences but were also married early? Why should it be unacceptable for our generation if we're in love?
A. I'd never say it's wrong or unacceptable. I'd just say it's usually unwise, for two reasons. First, it's easy to fool yourself. In reality, age differences usually (not always) go with differences in experience and maturity. When you're very different in age—say 14 and 21, to use the seven-year spread you suggest—there's almost always a subtle way in which one person dominates the other. Sometimes the older person "knows all about" what the younger person feels. Sometimes the older person has much higher expectations for commitment. Sometimes there are sexual expectations. In any case, they're really not coming together as equal partners. That makes for a lousy relationship in the long run.
The second reason is practical. Our society is different from the one our grandparents grew up in. Today, most women go to college and have careers. When there's an extreme difference in age, the life stages of the two partners don't fit well together. Just when one is ready to start college, the other is ready to settle down and start having children. When one is graduating from high school, the other is working nine to five. This creates many obstacles for the couple. It's not impossible to overcome them, but it's quite difficult.
That's why most adults discourage dating people a lot older or younger than you. Why start a relationship that is so likely to bring trouble?
Q. Why is it so wrong to date someone when there's an age difference (say, seven years) if both of you are on the same intellectual and maturity level, and both devoted Christians? What about our parents and grandparents who had large age differences but were also married early? Why should it be unacceptable for our generation if we're in love?
A. I'd never say it's wrong or unacceptable. I'd just say it's usually unwise, for two reasons. First, it's easy to fool yourself. In reality, age differences usually (not always) go with differences in experience and maturity. When you're very different in age—say 14 and 21, to use the seven-year spread you suggest—there's almost always a subtle way in which one person dominates the other. Sometimes the older person "knows all about" what the younger person feels. Sometimes the older person has much higher expectations for commitment. Sometimes there are sexual expectations. In any case, they're really not coming together as equal partners. That makes for a lousy relationship in the long run.
The second reason is practical. Our society is different from the one our grandparents grew up in. Today, most women go to college and have careers. When there's an extreme difference in age, the life stages of the two partners don't fit well together. Just when one is ready to start college, the other is ready to settle down and start having children. When one is graduating from high school, the other is working nine to five. This creates many obstacles for the couple. It's not impossible to overcome them, but it's quite difficult.
That's why most adults discourage dating people a lot older or younger than you. Why start a relationship that is so likely to bring trouble?